"We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention."
It
was a beautiful autumn day, and I was walking around downtown Denver
with a group of children. As a chaperone for my son’s fourth
grade field trip, I was responsible for seventeen 9- and
10-year-olds. We saw our lovely Capitol building, examined some
interesting exhibits outside of the art museum, marveled at the
plethora of amazing buildings, and learned about our state’s
history at a new museum.
Except
for a few squirrely kiddos, it was a largely enjoyable experience. At
one point I was overcome with emotion, and I thought to myself, “How
grateful I am to be a mom and be here helping my son and other
children expand their educations and experience new things.”
And
then I overheard another boy say to my son, as they walked just a few
steps behind me, “Is your mom nice to you? I think she’s
a wonderful mother.” Fortunately my son answered “yes,”
although I’m sure there are days he’d be tempted to
answer “no,” like when I am really mean and make him do
homework before playing or give him consequences for a bad choice.
You know, the really brutal things.
Nevertheless,
the exchange broke my heart.
It
was a saddening reminder to me that too many children have moms who
simply aren’t nice to them, for whatever the reason.
Whether
I’m reading a book or watching a movie, instances of abused,
neglected and unloved children hit me on a deep level. Yet many
children experience these situations in real-life; often times, they
are children we may even know.
In
the few years I’ve had children in school, I have made the
effort to volunteer, chaperone, assist with class parties and the
like whenever it is possible, and in those precious moments I’ve
had children tell me about parents in jail, parents they are not able
to live with for whatever reason, and other heartbreaking situations.
I never ask, but in being told I am reminded how much some children
just need a kind and caring heart turned their way. It devastates me.
Sometimes
it is easy to get so caught up (admittedly I get caught up) in trying
to be a perfect mom, or a supermom,
that we forget what is most important. We might spend more time
planning our child’s party than we spend with our child. Or we
are too busy with whatever to take time to really listen to them.
It’s like being in a Relief Society lesson or a school class
that has lots of pretty accompanying bells and whistles, pictures and
handouts, but the content is lacking real substance.
Are
we mothering with substance? Are we being nice? What does a nice mom
do, anyway?
Sometimes
the word “nice” gets the shaft. It’s not an
exciting word, maybe even considered a little blasé. But when
looking at it through a child’s eyes, I begin to see the
significance of the word. It’s really the essence of what a
child wants in a mother.
A
nice mom gives of her time. There is something to be said for simply
being there, to listening and giving undivided attention when
necessary. Many moms make countless sacrifices for their children.
A
nice mom gives rules and consequences. This might seem contradictory,
but a mom who truly cares knows that being a cool friend is
counterproductive, but lovingly giving guidelines and enforcing them
gives children security and is a crucial form of love.
A
nice mom gives of her love. Moms show love in different ways; some
are more affectionate than others, some are more verbal than others.
Regardless of how we show our love, we shouldn’t assume that
our children know we love them. It should be something they hear and
feel on a continual basis.
A
nice mom gives of her talents. We all have been endowed with certain
abilities and talents, and using them at times to uplift and
strengthen the rising generation will enhance the lives of those who
benefit from our talents, as well as our own lives.
A
nice mom is involved in her community and reaches out to uplift other
children. We can bring joy and kindness to other children, if only
for a few minutes or an hour here and there. We should be careful to
pass judgment on children’s home and life situations, but
remember the old adage that the children who are the most difficult
to love often need it the most.
Maybe
it’s true what they say, that nice guys finish last. But I am
fairly certain that nice moms don’t. And when we play nice, it
is the children whose lives we touch — from our own, to those
we are called to serve, to those we guide through a busy museum —
will come out at the most deserving winners.
Melissa Howell was born and raised in the woods of northern Minnesota. She has a degree in
journalism from the University of Minnesota.
As a single 20-something, she moved to Colorado seeking an adventure. She found one, first in
landing her dream job and then in landing her dream husband; four children followed.
Upon becoming a mother, she left her career in healthcare communications to be a stay-at-home
mom, and now every day is an adventure with her husband Brian and children Connor (9), Isabel
(6), Lucas (5) and Mason (2).
In addition, she is a freelance writer and communications consultant for a variety of
organizations.
Melissa serves as Assistant director of media relations for stake public affairs and Webelos den leader