One
of the first thoughts I had after giving birth to my oldest child
was, “How the @!#$*% did my mom do this six times?”
It
seems that we can’t really understand our mothers as people
until we become a parent too.
Today
is my mother’s birthday. Let’s just say it is a
significant milestone-type birthday, but I am not sure she would
appreciate my sharing her exact age with the world.
As
I think about her and the influence she has had on my life, I feel a
mixture of feelings ranging from frustration and disappointment to
reverence and gratitude, and above all, truly unconditional love.
If,
like me, you believe we came to this Earth from a pre-Earth state,
and that God has a plan for you, that you are not just a random
conglomeration of DNA, then you have to accept that the mother you
came to was not an accident.
If
you are a parent with this worldview, you must also accept that the
children who come to your home are also no accident.
I
have mentioned before in this column that my mother and I are very
different. Indeed, it took becoming a mother myself for me to see her
sideways — as one sees their peers, rather than from below, as
a child looks up to their parents. I think this was a two-way street.
I don’t think she was quite ready to see me sideways either
until I had enough life experience under my belt to understand the
challenges she has faced in her life.
In
celebration of her birthday, I have come up with a list of five
qualities she has that I think would benefit all parents to
cultivate.
She
is a good listener. Even when my concerns were those of a
drama-driven pre-teen, she always heard me out completely when I had
something to say. She never interrupted me, but let me get it all
out. I didn’t realize until later in life what a rare and
fantastic skill this is. It is hard for me to bite my tongue and
just listen when my children are taking for-eeevvv-errrr to say what
they need to.
She
has indomitable faith. Those who know my mother know she has faced
more than her share of certain trials. For starters, she has been
the victim in five car accidents. FIVE. Health issues are an ever
present specter in her life. She has overcome many other hardships
as well. There have been a few very low points in my life where I
have thought, “My mother did what was right when she faced
something even worse than this. I really don’t have the excuse
not to do the same.”
She
and my father have put service to others at the forefront of their
priority to-do list. My parents are not well-to-do. They have never
been able to write large checks to charity. However, their adult
lives are peppered with a thousand small, but meaningful acts.
Teaching institute, driving other peoples’ kids to and from
early morning seminary for 18 years, toting the missionaries around,
convincing a (rather stubborn) elderly widow to leave her home for
somewhere safer during an ice storm, and hundreds of other little
services that go along with being that couple that shows up to
church every week in the same ward for 26 years. Personally, I
sometimes complain when I feel swamped by all my other
responsibilities and the Church asks me to do more. I have never
heard my mother express this feeling.
She
has never tried to tell me how to parent my own children. Really.
Aren’t you jealous? She tells me she learned that from her
mother. Man, I know I am going to have a hard time emulating that
one. But, I hope that if I do a good enough job with my children
now, I won’t feel like I have to keep parenting them when they
are parents themselves. Hopefully this is how she feels, too.
She
accepts everyone for who they are. Does that mean she condones their
bad behavior? No, but she thinks the best of people and hopes the
best for them. I have never heard her say a word of spite. This
Christian attitude of loving others despite their failings is
something I have tried hard to cultivate in my own children.
So,
happy birthday, Mom.
Thanks
for driving me to piano lessons nearly every week for 10 years.
Thanks for not freaking out when I started talking about marrying my
then-18-year-old boyfriend. Thanks for making me go to Young Women
even when I had too much homework. Thanks for teaching me how to sew,
even though it frustrated you that I ignored half of your advice
about it. Thanks for not telling me to stop crying when I called you
after my first week away at college.
Thanks
for loving me even though I am so different from you.
Emily
Jorgensen received her bachelor's degree in piano performance from
Brigham Young University. She earned her master's degree in
elementary music education, also at BYU. She holds a Kodaly
certificate in choral education, as well as permanent certification
in piano from Music Teacher’s National Association.
She
has taught piano, solfege, and children’s music classes for 17
years in her own studio. She has also taught group piano classes at
BYU.
She
is an active adjudicator throughout the Wasatch Front and has served
in local, regional, and state positions Utah Music Teachers'
Association, as well as the Inspirations arts contest chair at
Freedom Academy.
She
gets a lot of her inspiration for her column by parenting her own
rambunctious four children, aged from “in diapers” to
“into Harry Potter.” She is still married to her high
school sweetheart and serves in her ward’s Primary.